willing.

prone to wander Lord I feel it

prone to leave the God I love

here's my heart Lord, take and seal

seal it for thy court's above.

im sitting in dead silence in my office at the church, with sweet girls sleeping on the floor close to me, and a handful of them in the youth room.

tonight (or should i say this morning),

we are doing 24 hours of prayer with our students.

its 5:43 in the morning,

and i can barely keep my eyes open,

only a few more hours then i can go home and sleep. all day.

but...

i felt maybe this is a good time to sit and type.

so.

just a few of our engagements.

check out

www.twopairphotography.com

they rock.

im engaged.

and being engaged is rough.

but will be worth it and i am going to enjoy every single moment of arguing over

how many people will be in our wedding,

or what kind of food will be served or where we will live.

because a week after its all over, we will laugh at how silly it all was.

BUT... all the planning has fallen into place, i am very thankful.

and today im wishing all my sweet friends all lived in the same place.

i miss me some pierce family. jamie taylor. kelsee reeves.

for a while, i have been feeling a calling.

the kingdom within me is finally letting down its ancient bridge.

i can see the trees ahead.

they are alive and waving.

i'm remembering what it's like to feel free, delightful, mystical, lovely.

and the liberated soul within this kingdom,

this city i find myself in - it's terrifying.

really.

to come alive again.

to breathe air that crystalizes the lungs

and makes you feel.

to stop being so damn afraid.

to dance to music.

to sing to the wind.

to balance your heels on the brick ledge.

to love without expectation, without requirement.

to be.

to become.

to stop seeing at grey-scale,

and let the colors dress up the mind.

who

am

i

or who have i been?

all these pieces werent fitting together, in this place, with these circumstances.

and change is inevitable.

Your love is strong.

and its gotta keep me.

its gotta keep me.

you gotta have mercy on this little girl.

i haven't known how to be.

i don't know how to let love flow from this one.

i'm not sure i know how to love without expectation.

teach me

to live even as the ground starts shaking. and people start fading.

teach me

to resonate that which you are speaking.

teach me to let this spine stand up straight

and rejoice in today, rejoice in tomorrow -

be blown by the spirit.

stop feeling so guilty and charged heavy with iniquity.

i need to read Your story and find myself in its pages.

my patience is counted few tonight,

my burden is heavy.

but

i can finally hear you in the silence of my beating heart.

the bridge has almost met the ground and you're asking me to walk with you along the narrow path.

to go set the people free.

to get past the intro - and

begin to explore.

the wilderness has become my comfort and my barrenness my badge.

but this is the route

to burning...

and i don't like when you wash my feet.

i am beginning. i am beginning.

forgive me. i don't know how to love.

you promised. i'm waiting.

i have tiptoed onto the bridge.

you're smiling, you love to watch this.

your banner over me is love.

heavenly Father, i'm willing.